Pick Me Up

The Holy Trinity doesn’t count as a threesome…but it should.

Another old list, but in fact the first pickup lines I ever wrote for a historical figure.  Mom sure was proud.  I wrote these for Christmas, but I think you can enjoy them year round because really, Jesus is with us…always.  Here he is the Savior of Sex…He died for your penis…

If I told you my bed was shaped like a cross would you nail me?

I died for your sins, but I’d murder for your body.

Give me five minutes and I’ll make you see God.

I mean, come on, you already scream my name every time you cum…

I’ll be your messiah if you’ll be my whore of Babylon.

After years of being a carpenter I’m really good with my wood.

I’m the King of Kings and Lord of Lords…in bed.

Want to be infused with the Holy Spirit?

I promise my second coming won’t be premature.
 

Water into wine? Sure. But did you know I can turn my jizz into appletinis?